I am not actually strong enough to keep out a tiny moment of autobiographical tedium, but the genre of the blog lives on this and I feel I can be forgiven anyway, circumstances being what they are.
I can deal with crisis, tragedy, disasters, failures, and a great many other types of calamity that are the usual sources of stress and anxiety. I can scarcely abide uncertainty. My imagination is too active, detailed, persistent and vivid to turn away from the unknown, undecided, unresolved.
Knowing this, I can say that almost anything is preferable (short of lost limbs, ill cats, and ill family members) to waiting for vital information. I thought about this earlier today (actually, the thought occurred without conscious deliberation) that I have been waiting on news about funding for two years now. Of course that’s two years worth of PhD applications, funding applications, various levels of competitions, deadlines, results, and re-submissions. Currently I am awaiting the results of my last outstanding source of PhD funding. That funding is essential for ‘Plan A’ and Oxford. ‘Plan B’ is hardly a plan at all as it can’t seem to figure in the whole Oxford part that is the whole purpose of A.
I can also say that this dislike of uncertainty, and this specific occasion of it, is really slowing down the more time-sensitive work I have; a book review and a 20 minute conference paper that will be delivered May 12.